Self Esteem versus Selfishness

There is a big difference between having good self-esteem and being selfish.

People with good self-esteem can still act in other people’s interests; it’s just they understand this is because they want to, rather than because they have to, in order to feel better about themselves.

There’s nothing wrong with putting other people before yourself. We all have to make sacrifices from time to time, and strong relationships always involve a kind of give-and-take. There will, inevitably, be times when you need to put your own needs and desires second.

However, it’s equally true that if you continually ignore your own needs, you’re likely to end up exhausted, miserable and resentful – and possibly little help to anyone. It’s also the kind of pattern that will further contribute to low self-esteem, as it reinforces the message that your needs are not that important.

The danger, though, is that you can get into a cycle of people-pleasing. 
 
With improved self-esteem, you’re likely to be able to discern when it’s a good idea to say ‘no’, and when you really do want to make the extra effort.